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(1889—1945), US humorist

Merely as an observer of natural phenomena, I am fascinated by my own personal appearance. This doesn't mean that I am pleased with it, mind you, or that I can even tolerate it. I simply have a morbid interest in it.

(1889—1945), US humorist

The trouble with me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't.

(1989—1945)

U.S. humorist

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

(1917—1994)

U.S. horror writer

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

Don't believe the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing--it was here first.

(1759—1796), Scots poet, "Epistle to Davie"

It's hardly in a body's pow'r,/To keep, at times, frae being sour.

Hard students are commonly troubled by gowts, catarrhes, rheums, cachexia, bradypepsia, bad eyes, stone, and collick, crudities, oppilations, vertigo, winds, consumptions, and all such diseases as come by over much sitting; they are for the most part  […]

One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas.

U.S. author

To err is human, to purr, feline.