B

U.S. writer

Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.

U.S. writer

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1953--)

U.S. comic

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

(1953--)

U.S. comic

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.

(1953--)

U.S. comic

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

(1953--)

U.S. comic

When Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner, then I'll clean the house.

U.S. comic

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

(1925 — ), US columnist & journalist

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925-- )

U.S. columnist

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories--those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost.

(1925-- )

U.S. columnist

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.