B

(1934--)

English novelist

There are so many ways of us dying it's astonishing any of us choose old age.

(1951--)

U.S. travel writer

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of  […]

(1884--)

U.S. actress

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

(1852—1956)

A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.

(1923—1964), Irish writer

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

(1923—1964), Irish writer

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

(1923—1964), Irish writer

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

(1923—1964), Irish writer

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

U.S. comedian

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'