F

(1818—1894)

English historian

Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.

(1904—1979)

U.S. novelist

There's one good kind of writer--a dead one.

(1897--)

The times are not so bad as they seem; they couldn't be.

(1958--)

U.S. comedian

The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

(1931--)

U.S. golfer

There are some people who knock the pyramids because they don't have elevators.

You own a dog; you feed a cat.

Properly organized, even crime pays.

U.S. cartoonist

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

U.S. Muppet

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Never accept an invitation from a stranger unless he offers you candy.