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(1899—1977 )

U.S. educator

Whenever I feel the urge to exercise coming on, I lie down until it passes over.

(1934--), Australian comedian

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go indoors to use the toilet, and that's only a recent development.

(1924—1992)

English comedian

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

(1924—1992)

English comedian

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

(1903--)

U.S. comedian

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

(October 1958)

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

(1836—1902)

U.S. journalistauthor

Nobody shoulders a rifle in defense of a boarding house.

U.S. Congressman

Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

U.S. actor

We need a President who's fluent in at least one language.

There are only about twenty murders a year in London, and not all are serious. Some are just husbands killing their wives.