R
Contents of R:
(1947--)
U.S. humorist
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
(1947--)
During the mid-1980's dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?
(1947--)
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
(1947--), Modern Manners
It's bad manners to apply cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them.
(1947--), Modern Manners
People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.
(1947--), Modern Manners, 1989
The only polite thing to do when engaged in sky diving, hang gliding, ice climbing, or any other dangerous sport is to die. That's what everyone's waiting around for.
(1947--), Modern Manners, Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
(1947--), Modern Manners, Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989
Wife-swapping is never done in the best circles of society. Wives can rarely, if ever, be traded for anything useful like a set of golf clubs.
(1947--), Modern Manners, The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989
Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.