W

(1834—1867)

U.S. humorist

Gentlemen, I give you Upper Canada, because I don't want it myself.

(1834—1867), "Fourth of July Oration"

I am not a politician, and my other habits are good.

(1834—1867), "Moses the Sassy"

They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.

(1834—1867), "The Census"

Did you ever have the measles, and if so, how many?

(1834—1867), Natural History, Chapter Three

I am happiest when I am idle. I could live for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the same way for  […]

Books had instant replay long before televised sports.

U.S. cartoonist, "Calvin and Hobbes"

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

My life needs a rewind/erase button.

Reality continues to ruin my life.